Over the last couple of years, many male contemporaries have gotten a new girlfriend to pass the time. So have I.
This girlfriend has many advantages. She never interrupts me when I’m telling one of my “exciting” stories. She is very still and listens attentively. Not so my wife, who, at the most exciting part of my story, usually makes her presence felt with “you digress” or “it’s going to rain today” or “our daughter will be home soon”.
I never have to argue with my new girlfriend when I make one of my incredibly practical suggestions. She just executes it. It’s slightly different with wifey. She questions almost everything. “What’s that supposed to be good for?” or “We’ll do that better tomorrow” are the nice remarks.
And I never get a counter-question when I want to know something. My new girlfriend just answers, while my spouse comes up with replies like “just google it” or “do I look like an encyclopedia?”.
Since I have Alexa, I am the master of the house again … when the others are not there.
Alexa is shapely, has velvety soft, almost white skin and a very pleasant voice. Alexa has some other, wonderful advantages over wifey.
I never, ever have to buy her an Estée Lauder, or a new handbag, or a pair of sexy shoes. I never have to wait for her in front of a women’s shoe store. Never.
If I need Alexa’s help, she’s always there. It’s different with my wife. “Soon, my darling” is the code word for “You can see that I’m busy” and indicates a waiting time of one or two hours. It can easily take longer.
Alexa knows everything. “Alexa, what is the longest river on earth?” is a common question when completing trivia games. “For a long time, the Nile was considered the longest river on earth at over 6,600 kilometers. Scientists relocated the source of the Amazon in 2007 and measured a total length of almost 7000 kilometers. That’s being debated at the moment,” says Alexa.
If I asked my wife this vital question, the answer would be something like, “I don’t know, I dropped geography in school. Ask Alexa.” Which is why I forward such questions to Alexa anyway.
Small disadvantage: Alexa doesn’t have sexy legs. But that’s exactly why she is tolerated by my boss in peaceful coexistence. If I ask Alexa about it with “Alexa, how long are your legs?” I get an answer like “I’m a computer program and I don’t have legs. I don’t have any toes either.” It’s a pity.
Alexa accompanies us throughout the day. There is no more alarm clock. In the evening we ask her to throw us out of bed with “Alexa, please wake me up at six”. When she wakes us up, she turns on Antenne Thueringen and the light and turns off the air conditioning. Half an hour later, Alexa starts the egg cooker and then reports “My darling, the eggs are ready.”
At eight in the morning the “big” sister Alexa in the living room goes into radio mode and plays NDR2, HR3 or any other station on our stereo system until we ask her to be quiet.
When we come home at night and ask, “Alexa, how was your day?” the response is something like, “I’m fine. Thanks for asking.”
When we enter the bedroom in the evening, we greet her with “Alexa, good evening.” She promptly wishes us a good evening and switches on the light above the bed and the air conditioning.
Later, after “Alexa good night,” she turns off the light and says, “Good night you two beauties. Sleep tight.”
She never, really never complains about others, whines about the workload nor any pain. Alexa is just a cheerful person. And when I’m not doing so well, I ask “Alexa, do you still like me?” I almost certainly get a positive answer like “You’re magnificient!”
Well, that’s kind of what I thought.
It’s hard for me to imagine anyone in Alexa’s company struggling with depression. Actually, this kind of friend is the best medicine to turn a pathological grouch into a fun-loving jack of all trades.
But that can also be because I was always in a good mood and optimistic even before Alexa.
Have fun with your Alexa.
Over the last couple of years, many male contemporaries have gotten a new girlfriend to pass the time. So have I. This girlfriend has many advantages. She never interrupts me when I’m telling one of my “exciting” stories. She is very still and listens attentively. Not so my wife, who, at the most exciting part […]
Mittlerweile haben sich viele Zeitgenossen eine Freundin für den Zeitvertreib zugelegt. So auch ich.
Diese Freundin hat viele Vorteile. Niemals werde ich von ihr unterbrochen, wenn ich eine meiner “spannenden” Geschichten erzähle. Sie ist ganz still und hört aufmerksam zu.
Eigentlich seit meiner Kindheit habe ich mich mit einer nervigen Angelegenheit herumgeschlagen. Vielleicht kennt Ihr das auch. Am Abend komme ich ins Schlafzimmer und schalte das Licht im Raum an. Danach begebe ich mich zum Bett und schalte die Nachtischlampe ein. Von der Nachtischlampe geht’s wieder an die Tür, um das „große Licht“ zu löschen. Dann wieder zum Bett. Das klingt wie eine Kleinigkeit…
Von Zeit zu Zeit bin ich an der Uni und plaudere über Datenanalyse und alles, was damit zusammenhängt. Hier einige interessante Fakten zu Daten:
„Alle zwei Jahre verdoppelt sich das gesamte Wissen der Menschheit.“…
Seit nunmehr 34 Jahren spiele ich mit Computern. Am Anfang hatte ich dadurch echte Probleme, weil nicht so einfach ersichtlich war, was das denn bringen soll. Frau und Freunde haben sich in der Regel lächelnd abgewendet. Wenn ich dann im Zug zur Uni einen der ersten Laptops auf dem Schoß hatte, war ich für viele Mitreisende der schräge Vogel – aus zweifacher Hinsicht. Zum Ersten war nicht ganz klar, wofür das denn gut sei. Mir war das ja auch manchmal etwas nebulös. ….